The Struggles of Having Undiagnosed ADHD
At the age of seventeen, I was diagnosed with both hyperactive and inattentive type ADHD. Strangely, being diagnosed was one of the most freeing and empowering experiences of my life. It helped me realize that I wasn’t the intrinsically flawed, incapable, unfocused mess I thought I was. I just had ADHD. And that was something I could work through.
I would suspect my personal experience of living with undiagnosed ADHD for seventeen years is similar to that of many who went through the same thing:
I spent hours each week searching for lost items only to find them in obvious locations. I lived in a room so messy that it would make any respectable hoarder cringe. I unintentionally blurted out things while others were still talking. I lost myself in daydreams during important conversations, and I spent hours on assignments and tasks that should only take a few minutes. I felt dysfunctional.
And I felt like it was all my fault. I could barely go a week without hearing everyone’s favorite remark: “How are you so smart, but such an airhead?” or another favorite: “How in the world are you at the top of your class? You can barely find the school without google maps.” I felt like a fidgety, zoned-out, unorganized, ditz.
My ADHD diagnosis gave me permission to finally be patient with myself. It allowed me to see that there was nothing wrong with me. I just wasn’t neurotypical. And that was okay.
I have come to accept and even love my ADHD. It makes me who I am. My only regret is not looking into an ADHD diagnosis earlier. I lived 17 years of my life feeling like my lack of focus and disorganization was my fault, something I could fix if I tried harder.
I would like to share the struggles I faced living with undiagnosed ADHD. Life isn’t easy for anyone, but for those with undiagnosed ADHD it can feel like an uphill sprint every day. Here are 6 struggles I faced often having undiagnosed ADHD:
Feeling Like an Airhead
There is a word for someone who is unorganized, easily distracted, forgetful, and slightly out of it. That word is an airhead. Without knowing you have ADHD, it is easy to think that you are the way you are simply because you are somehow lacking in intelligence, sophistication, or practical skills. You assume that you are on equal footing with everyone else, that you have the same opportunity to be just as put together as everyone but are just too lazy and ditzy to get your head out of the clouds.
Constantly Being Overwhelmed
With ADHD, one small thing can send you over the edge. If you already have a few things on your plate and someone adds one small thing it can feel completely overwhelming to the point where you have no clue what to do next or how to deal with it. When you unknowingly have ADHD, it can be confusing to be completely and constantly overwhelmed by things that others shoulder with ease.
Not Knowing Why You Are Being Rude
ADHD causes a lot of behaviors that look on the surface to be mere rudeness or lack of respect. You interrupt people while they are talking, show up late to social events, zone out mid-conversation, and fidget impatiently during important meetings.
On top of that, when you are hyper-focused and zoned in on a project, it can be difficult for you to split your focus to accommodate a conversation. This makes you seem rude if someone tries to talk to you while you are working. Without a diagnosis, people with ADHD wonder why they are being so rude or feel like terrible people for not adhering to social niceties.
Wondering How Everyone Else Gets On So Easy
With undiagnosed ADHD, you assume you are on an equal plane as everyone else. You assume that you could do just as well as others in life if you were just more focused or less lazy. This leads you to wonder how everyone else gets on with their life so easily.
Keeping a clean living space or completing things on time seems to pose no problem for others. And no one else you know spends so much time each day searching for lost items or trying to remember what they are doing. You can’t seem to figure out how others carry on a coherent conversation so easily without getting side tracked or zoning out. Daily tasks that cause you hours of struggle each week seem to be no big deal for other people.
Feeling Lazy
It’s easy to think that all of your ADHD symptoms boil down to your own laziness. You think you could be more organized if you just tried harder. You could make better grades if you just focused more. You could sit still if you just forced yourself to not move. You could complete that task if you just put in more willpower. You could remember where you put your keys if you just racked your brains a bit more. You feel like everything is your fault and you could function in the world if you just tried a bit harder.
Feeling Awkward in Social Situations
Even if you are a raging extrovert, ADHD makes social situations a little bit tricky. It’s hard to follow a line of conversation and respond reasonably when ten thousand unrelated thoughts are constantly coursing through your head and all the while you’re desperately trying to remember the name of the person you’re talking to. Because of the constant clamor in your head, it is difficult with ADHD to zone into an external conversation, especially if you don’t find the person you are talking with to be interesting. Without you don’t know you have ADHD, it is easy to boil this difficulty down to being socially awkward or antisocial when in fact ADHD is the real culprit.
**note: This article is simply me sharing my personal experiences and struggles. It is in no way a substitute for an ADHD diagnosis. If you think you may have ADHD please see a trained medical professional (something I am not).**
